Love: Fantasy and Reality battle



             I really hate this feeling.Feeling empty and alone.Unexplained loneliness feels like it secretly killing me. My heart ache and I don't know why. Afraid of heart attack  coz sometimes I felt the pain on my chest and I can't breath.My heart and mind longing for an impossible man to meet. Imagining to be with him and my heart had an extreme desire to be with him. I know his existence but he does'nt know I exist and loved him in secret. This is strange, I am weird . I have a man beside me for 16 years and feeling this way is liked cheating him. I admit, we built a family but  love is'nt the foundation of it. Pity and responsibility are the reason why we are here in this castle. I think a one sided love. I want to go away but welfare of my  child is my number one priority. I have lot of regrets and I wish I am with the man who makes my heart happy.
       My life is better even if sometimes there are short comings. Yes he is responsible but why I felt it is'nt enough. I hate myself for being like this. I did'nt mean it. My mind and heart are like in battle between devil and angel, right versus wrong.
        Why is it sometimes I felt I was covered with darkness? Hopeless and cried without proper reason. The man that made my heart happy is unreachable yet I am still hoping that fate will bring us together.Maybe I am just influenced by the drama I've been  watched.Creating my own fictional story.But no this is not just imagination this  man really makes my heart full everytime I see his photo. We are'nt connected but I hope someday our heart will beat as one. It's so hard handling a feeling like this. I can't tell anyone about this I'm scared because there is no assurance about  this crazy feeling. Fantasy and reality  I almost can't recognize it.

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