Introvert Misconceptions and Struggles

 

What is introvert?

         The definition of an introvert is someone who prefers calm, minimally stimulating environments. Introverts tend to feel drained after socializing and regain their energy by spending time alone. This is largely because introverts' brains respond to dopamine differently than extroverts' brains.

       I was born introvert. I'm shy, having fear talking to people specially strangers. When I was in Grade 1 I heard my mother said to her friends she can' t believe I can passed  to the next grade level because I am so quiet at home and shy to face people. I am not aware of being that way I thought it's normal. I don't have friends because we lived in a hill our neighbor is 10 km away from our house. At school I can't barely recall how I made friends with my primary classmates. When I was in Grade six my father decided to transfer me in a  school near in a city.I lived in my grandparents house. I'm still shy but I met new friends and I had more happy memories with them. We played in the backyard of my grandparents house till 9 in the evening.My grand parents house  has an over looking  view so it"s perfect place to hang out for a children like us.

      During my high school I still lived with my grandparents.At school I met new friends again and some of them was a bad influence.I learned from them how to skipped classes and went to a place where we can freely play and picked fruits to ate. I'm still shy but I loved being with classmates who can truly understand for who I am. I slept in my friends house and it  made my parents burst in anger. But behind such things that I did I still finished my high school and placed as 8th Honors.

        Pursuing my education in tertiary level is'nt easy. My parents can't afford to send me in a university so I find my own way to continue my study. I serve as a working student of an old maiden teacher.My work is to fed and took care of  the dog and four cats.Doing laundry, cleaning the ouse, cooking, and took some task that assigned to me by my master. My work is'nt that difficult I can easily deal with it, my problem is my introversion.  I talk less and  I rather talk to her dog than her and it made my master bored and annoyed. She has a kind side she let me eat whatever food she had but she has a bad temper too. She told me some hurting words that made me cry a river of tears. I heard some discriminating words from her and because of it  I lost my self confidence. Until one day her  temper blazed out and she terminate me. Nowhere to go I ride a tricycle crying and I don't know what to do. I was saved by my schoolmate she let  me slept in their boarding house for one night until my father found a place for me to stay.

        I met new friends again and I was happy. They are all extroverts. So loud and boyish that's their character.I go with the flow,I imitate their character and from them I learned drinking alcoholic drink. I even cut my hair short. My classmates was surprised of my new look and character. I became a fighter and my fear of speaking I can handle it already.

          But introversion within me is my nature.After losing contacts with those friends I returned to who really I am. A listener and not a speaker. I just want to listen and I don't want to talk. Seeking for a job is so hard.Being shy, doubtful and lack of self confidence is the hindrance for my success. My introversion is the reason why I am not financially stable today. I hate myself being this way.I want an improvement but I always attacked by fear. Sometimes I truly ask God, Lord?What is my purpose in this world? Why I am like this? I am so disperate to achieve my dream but I don't know where to start. 

          Way back 2005 I worked in  a food court as service crew. Happy and hopeful I came to the store lack of confidence. My supervisor during my interview warn me about a bully employee. He told me about her and told me just never mind her and just do my job well. On my 3rd day of work that woman pissed my patience off. Saying non sense about me and because I am sensitive my answer to what she did to me is a shred og tears.Hurt and emotional I ended up resigning into my work and became jobless.

           Being an introvert there's a lot of misconceptions  about me. They think I'm snobbish.  They assume I don't care about them but the fact is I don't know how to express feelings towards them. The worst thing is the thought that I am crazy because of being always in  silent.

       Base on my own experience there are things I loved and I hated being an introvert. I don't know if other introverts felt the same way too. It's my honest opinion being me.

       Things I like/ I love

*Being alone

*A silent place 

*I love nature

* Talking to my dog 

* Slow music

*writing/texting rather than talking or a call

        Things I don't like or I hate:

* Talkative people talking nonsense

* Loud music

*  A singing person out of tune I'm so harsh even if I'm not a singer.

* I really hate it when I need to talk to someone important and my heart beats so fast because I worried so much about the opinion of the person I'm talking to.

    Maybe a good thing about being an introvert is bringing a peaceful environment.I can't disturb the whole neighborhood because I'm always quiet and hated  loud music.I can't hurt others feeling because I'm so watchful to my words. Being this way, for me is'nt that easy.It's a mix ton of emotions and mental battle. I'm 37 now felt useless because I am unsuccessful but hoping and still searching for my purpose being an introvert.

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